SEVEN DEADLY SINS --- What NOT to Request at a Piano Bar/Dueling Pianos show

We've spent alot of posts in recent weeks discussing some good possibilities for song requests at the piano bar.

Today's post, though, is about the cardinal sins of piano bar requesting. The DNR (do not request) list.

We reached out to many of our colleagues across the country for their cringiest, crowd-killing, fun-draining song requests that they've gotten over the years.

Disregard at your own peril, and just remember when someone else outbids your song, that you were warned...

#1 - LONG SONGS

If, by the time you've reached the end of the song, it's time to start another show...maybe you need another option.

Example = BAT OUT OF HELL - Meatloaf, TAXI - Harry Chapin

How about >> PARADISE BY THE DASHBOARD LIGHT - Meatloaf

Yes, PARADISE is also a long song (anything written by Jim Steinman is bound to tax your Timex) but at least there are parts for the guys and gals to choreograph the three minutes that arc the makeup/breakup of the titular couple in the song.

#2 - SONGS WITH NO CHORUS

If you can't sing along with it, eventually it will get boring.

Example = NOVEMBER RAIN - Guns & Roses, TAXI - Harry Chapin

Instead, try >> SWEET CHILD O' MINE - Guns & Roses

All the epic baddassery, half the calories. And who can't singalong with "Whoaaaa, Sweet Child O' Mine"?

#3 - OBSCURE SONGS

If fewer than five people in the room know your song, this isn't going to end well.

Example = BICYCLE RACE - Queen, TAXI - Harry Chapin

Why not request >> BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY - Queen

Trade in that non-melodic choice for something that's sure to rally the room, and might even garner you some shots from the appreciative Galileos and Scaramouches.

#4 - DEPRESSING SONGS

The name of the game is celebrating good times, not crying in your beer.

Examples = BRICK - Ben Folds, TEARS IN HEAVEN - Eric Clapton, TAXI - Harry Chapin

Perhaps >> CLOCKS - Coldplay, LOVE SONG - Sara Bareilles, SONG FOR THE DUMPED - Ben Folds

Nothing gets the party going like that mid-tempo tearjerker about abortion or suicide, but if we may suggest some alternatives that are still piano-friendly, yet won't have domestic violence, child abuse, political hotbuttons or funerals as subject matter.

#5 - SLOW SONGS

If it's not prom night, you don't need that slow jam.

Examples = MACARTHUR PARK - Donna Summer, DESPERADO - Eagles, DUST IN THE WIND - Kansas, TAXI - Harry Chapin

Still respectable >> TINY DANCER - Elton John, WALKING IN MEMPHIS - Marc Cohn

If your preferred ballad isn't one of these rare exceptions to the 'no slowtunes' rule, then keep it moving...nothing to see here.

#6 - INAPPROPRIATELY DIRTY SONGS

There are dirty songs, and then there's cringing, stare-at-your-drink-and-wait-for-it-to-be-over.

Example = AT A MEDIUM PACE - Adam Sandler

The other white meat >> F*CK HER GENTLY - Tenacious D, RODEO SONG - David Allan Coe

Dirty is fine, when it's also funny. If the crowd is wincing, your song request is probably best saved for your eight-track. And by the way, it took us six categories to finally NOT list TAXI.

#7 - OVERPLAYED, CLICHED SONGS

Don't be that guy. No, really. Don't.

Example = FREEBIRD - Lynyrd Skynyrd

Novel option = GIMME THREE STEPS - Lynyrd Skynyrd

It's not original. It was just done last night, by another dude in another ripped t-shirt and acid washed jeans. They're called 'cliches' for a reason. Why not break the mold and go for a different song that the crowd will still jam to, but may not have heard in a while? Your piano players will love you for it.

And, one more for good measure...

#8 - BAD DEDICATION SONGS

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

Examples = BORN IN THE USA - Bruce Springsteen, ALWAYS A WOMAN TO ME - Billy Joel

What you actually wanted was >> GOD BLESS THE USA - Lee Greenwood, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE - Billy Joel

Whether it's a show of patriotism, or a sign of affection, your heart is in the right place. But the song is not. Sometimes a song is about exactly the opposite of what we think it's about. "She can kill with a smile, she can wound with her eyes" - not exactly something you want to inscribe on a greeting card, and yet, if we had a nickel for every prospective groom that wanted this dedication for his future bride, well, let's just say we wouldn't have to write a blog anymore.

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